Toxic masculinity is not a thing, and I find little wrong with the statement, “Boys will be boys!” When I see boys playing, I see it as both normal and encouraging to watch their behavior and see them challenge each other to be the best. If we were to discourage this I wonder what would happen to a society that seeks out the best to run their businesses, teach their children, perform surgery on their loved ones, or even be the best shoe salesman in the store.
Competition is what brings out the best in society. To discourage boys from being boys is, in effect, discouraging them to be better. Yes, there will be fights, but it is not society’s responsibility to discourage this; that is the responsibility of the parents. My parents were very quick to condemn any notion of fighting. Even so, I’ve been in my share of fights, most of them were probably with my brother, others with people I knew. Usually the reason I fought was because I was challenged, either outright or in my own mind.
I guess it is amazing that I did not carry that behavior into adulthood. Unbelievably, I learned other ways to meet those challenges. Who would have thought! Ways that did not involve a physical response. (Though I did enjoy putting down a feisty inmate or two who challenged my authority!)
As it turns out, the things I learned while being one of those boys, became lessons that helped me in adulthood. I learned that it was good to face challenges. It was good for my self-esteem when I prevailed, but it was also good for my wellbeing as I learned that losing was not the end of the world.
When I began to answer challenges in the workplace I was able to build on my successes without dwelling on my failures. I’ve no doubt these tendencies were learned as I was being a boy. Boys being boys, it seems, has some very good outcomes. Granted, there are some boys who pass as men, but have never grown. They still see physical confrontations as the way to meet most challenges. They are unable to learn from their failure nor their successes. However, their behavior as adults is not evidence of toxic masculinity; it is rather evidence of criminal or pathological behavior, or simply an unwillingness or inability to grow up.
Most, or more correctly, the overwhelming majority of men, do not behave this way. Toxic masculinity is not a thing; what is a thing is abnormal and unacceptable behavior in some men. It has nothing to do with their masculinity as much as it has to do with their inability to follow social norms. The term “toxic masculinity” implies that all men are susceptible to revealing a darker side. That implication condemns all men, implying that men have a toxic side that must be confronted and eradicated.
We evidently “must do better.” Well, I suppose that’s true, but what does that have to do with masculinity? It seems to me we all should strive to do better. We all should learn from the behaviors of our youth. Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls. I would have it no other way.